Identity Crisis

It has been over a year since I posted last and a lot has happened. Ben and I welcomed a beautiful baby boy into the world on October 30th, Noah. He was 5 weeks early and his birthday is only 4 days apart from his brother. Here’s to many years of joint parties!

Now that we have two wonderful boys, our time is now stretched even more thin. While I’ve been on leave, I’ve felt myself feeling a little lost at times. When I was younger and pictured myself “grown up”, I always saw myself like my Mom. I’d have a family, work in business, be the boss of people, and that was that.

While I’m an adult now, I definitely don’t feel “grown up”, but even still, my life is and isn’t how I imagined it would be. I have a wonderful family that makes me so grateful to be alive. I’m loved and I love more than I ever thought I would. I really enjoy my job and am looking forward to returning in a few weeks when my maternity leave is over. Aside from these large parts of my life, I find myself wondering “who am I?”.

My husband, Ben, has hobbies he enjoys. He may not have much time to partake in them, but he enjoys trying new craft beers, home brewing, skiing, fishing, and more. But me…I honestly am not sure what I enjoy anymore.

I think this is a pretty common identity crisis for most mothers. We’re so busy taking care of everyone else, we lose ourselves. (Quick side note: in no way am I saying my husband doesn’t do his share, because heΒ is an absolutely amazing husband and father. He carries his weight in our relationship and is a true partner.) I used to dance when I was younger, but our financial situation made that difficult to keep going. Other than that, I never had any strong hobbies that I kept up with.

It’s bothering me more lately because I feel like I don’t have much to talk about with my husband. I find myself only talking about the boys and housework. Not exactly the stuff that romantic, long lasting relationships are built on. I find I just have a lack of interest in a lot of things and it’s difficult to dedicate the time to something new.

I want to make more of an effort in the next few months to rectify this. I want to enjoy something that’s for me. I think it’s important to have something that is just yours to be passionate about. I’m not sure what I’m going to do just yet, but certainly beginning research to see what I might like. More to come!

Has anyone else run into this? If so, what have you done about it?