New Outlook

Every day, I find myself looking on Facebook or Yahoo for a few minutes to clear my mind and take a quick break from work. I need these mental breaks to keep my mind from overloading. However, lately I find it really upsetting every time I do so. I think it’s the new outlook you get as a parent.

I’ll be scrolling through the top stories on Yahoo, and then I see it, the awful story about a little baby dying after being left in a car, or some horrible person beating their child, or the countless other horrific stories centered around a child being hurt in some way. I see these stories and I instantly think of Jackson and want to just put him in a bubble so nothing bad can ever happen to him. I also get teary eyed because the thought of something awful happening to a child is, honestly, unbearable to think of. Even when it comes to movies, I don’t want to watch anything that might have a child being hurt.

Does anyone else feel this way? Sometimes I feel like I’m a little crazy for getting so emotional about these news stories, but I can’t handle them anymore. Before having Jackson, these stories would upset me, but not to the level that they do now. I have a feeling I’m not the only parent who feels this way.

Thankfully, I haven’t had to experience any of the heartbreak that some people have had to face with their children. I pray to God that I never have to either, or anyone else for that matter. It’s every parent’s greatest fear that something happens to their child and I feel so deeply for any parent who has gone through something. I can’t even imagine the heartache and grief they must feel.

Sorry for the super depressing post, but I just had to get it out…

I Won’t Do That When I Grow Up!

How many times growing up did you tell your parents that you’d never do what they did when you have kids, or never say what they said? How many times since you’ve “grown up” have you caught yourself doing exactly those things?

I know I do it all of the time. I remember when I was younger, I’d be shopping with my Mom and tell her I really liked a certain outfit or dress for a holiday and my Mom would say “No. That’s too old for you.” I thought she was crazy! I’d wonder how clothes were too old for anyone. It made absolutely no sense to me. Now, while I don’t have a daughter and my son is not even 1 yet, I find myself seeing clothes in a store and imagining them on my nieces and thinking “No way! They’ll look like teenagers in that and they’re still babies!” My nieces are not babies by any means, but I still see them that way and totally understand why my Mom used to say what she did.

It’s funny how people always tell you that you’ll grow up to be exactly like your parents 536992_700922888204_479603223_nand you fight that notion every step of the way. Then one day, you realize that you
exactly like your parents and you’ve done exactly what you swore you’d never do. For me, it was funny when I realized this, but I wasn’t upset. I was very fortunate growing up and I know my parents took care of me and raised me to be a good person. For me, being told I’m exactly like them is one of the biggest compliments I could ever receive.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “I’ve Become My Parents.”

Uncertainty…

Uncertainty has a play in everyone’s lives. No one is certain of everything. I’ve been certain of many things in life: when I knew my husband was the one, when I knew the house we looked at would one day be our home, and many other smaller events in life. Then, there are many things I’m uncertain of, some of which keep me worrying every day.

My biggest uncertainty in life is about my son. I’m constantly wondering about who he’ll be when he grows up. Will he be a good person? Will my husband and I be able to teach him all of the things he’ll need to lead a successful and happy life? I sure hope so, but every parent is uncertain of their abilities to do so. It’s a daunting task to raise another human being to be a functional member of society who is thoughtful, helpful and kind.

My approach…go with the flow. Because, while life is uncertain, sometimes those moments of uncertainty can lead to the most beautiful and memorable moments you’ll have.

The Most Important Guy In My Life

It’s hard to say that someone is the most important to you, but I think any parent would agree that their child is the most important person in your life. Of course you love your significant other and would do anything for them, but they probably agree that your child is the most important. Our children are growing and learning every second of the day. It’s magical and terrifying at the same time.

10365545_756147644466619_1875854077134565428_oMy little guy is amazing. My husband and I are definitely blessed. Jackson was born 6 weeks premature. What a shock that was! I woke up on a Saturday morning to my water breaking. Our plan for the week coming up was to pack my hospital bag, do a practice drive to the hospital and work on finishing up his nursery. Jackson had other plans. After my water broke, I went into labor with just a little bit of help from medication and progressed quickly from there. He was born early on Sunday morning, 5 lbs. 2 oz., 17 in. long. He was pretty healthy, but being 6 weeks early, he had to stay in the NICU for about 2 weeks while his longs finished developing and we got his eating under control. For any parent that has had a child in the NICU, they’re the longest days/weeks of your life.

11232075_826641866364_3215909344670129942_nNow healthy, aside from a mild case of asthma, Jackson’s a very happy baby. He looks like my husband’s twin, with bright blue eyes and sandy blonde hair. I’m sure people question if he’s actually my son when I’m alone with him. Although, I do think his smile is a bit like mine. He has an amazing smile where his eyes light up, his cheeks bunch up and his whole mouth is just wide open. It’s adorable and the best thing ever to see in the morning.

He loves jumping! Ever since he was about 6 months old, we bought him a jumper and he’ll just11838588_935940940110_3036585797164123948_o jump and jump for hours. He’ll even fall asleep in it, wake up and keep jumping. He’s very active, just like he was when I was pregnant with him. In fact, I had a post on Facebook that I thought he’d be a swimmer because it felt like he was swimming laps. Turns out, he loves the water! He kicks his feet, loves splashing and doesn’t want to get out.

He’s got the chunkiest little thighs from all of his jumping, although they’re starting to thin out now that he’s crawling and standing more. He’s very curious, constantly looking around. He doesn’t want to miss out on anything! It’s just amazing to see everything he does every day and all of the new things he learns so quickly.

As he grows and continues learning, I wonder who he’ll be. I hope, like any parent does, that he’s kind and values knowledge. I hope I’m able to protect him from awful things and comfort him when I can’t. I worry about everything, but try and enjoy every moment. I know my days when Jackson always wants to be with me and my husband are numbered, and I plan to embrace them!